True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
