I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
