Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
