I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
