just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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