you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize