i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
