can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
