What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
