onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
