So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
