just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
