booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
