How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
