My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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