We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize