Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
