can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
