jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
