we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
