grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
