i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I enjoy the company of your penis
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize