They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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