well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
