so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
