i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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