I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
