hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
