after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
