I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
