bring money and cleavage
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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