Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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