boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
