I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
