Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize