i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
