Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
