weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
