I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
