they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
