we're blogging at a bar
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
