and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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