Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
