I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
