I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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