this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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