he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
