Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
