Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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