he puts the penis in happiness.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize