wrigley field is MILF paradise
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
