Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
