After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm at about main and main street
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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