i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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