I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
