I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
