I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
