Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize