You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
