I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
