omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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